Every child is different. From their minds to mood swings, every child follows a different pattern. But if we take an instance of the pre-adolescence phase, then every other parent has a common issue.
“Our kids don’t listen to us.”
It is one of the common sayings by parents. If you are reading this and you are a parent, then you must be aware of the responsibilities that accompany you while handling your pre-teenagers. You might have faced situations where your children act distant from you because of extra love and care.
The age between nine to twelve years is a bit tricky. It is a period of transition where children have not come out from their cocoons but want to live a life of a butterfly.
Let’s try to understand why they act differently.
A period of transition- Pre-adolescence phase
As a parent, you might have felt that the new gadgets and friends have acted as an unexpected replacement for your goodnight kisses and bedtime stories. You might have experienced that the day starts with a nagging alarm sound and ends with a closed locked door. You also have felt that they don’t need your cuddles anymore, and their focus has shifted more towards looking after their own personal needs. Be it making new pals or going for group discussions at a friend’s house, their entire mindset has changed, and it is not what you expected as parents.
So let’s be clear on this perspective that it is very natural for them to act differently.
Till now, your children were seeing, understanding, and learning the world through your eyes, but now they are trying to start from scratch. They are experiencing a different world inside out, which is a major cause for acting differently.
However, this blog will cover some useful parenting tips which will help you to look after your pre-teens.
- Give them their personal time:
- Step in their shoes:
- Set special time with your children:
- Educate them about the societal norms:
- Give them a listening ear:
- Don’t be over-protective and judgemental:
- Take guidance if needed:
As your pre-teens now need their own time, your affection and too much involvement might bother them. For a while, try to give them their own personal time. Don’t force them to spend time with you. Observe their behaviour, learn what new changes they are experiencing, and give them a free hand in choosing what they need.
It might be apprehensive for you at first, but ‘you cannot cage someone you love.’
For once, try to step into their comfort zone and think like your children. Try to understand their needs and requirements and try to mould like them. For once, try to attain a mindset like your children and become a pre-teenager for a while.
Maybe, stepping into their ideologies would make you understand why they are acting differently.
Try to set a day prior to the weekend with your pre-teens. It will also give them space to spend time with their friends and will also allow you to know them. Don’t drag your responsibilities and wishes on them as they are in a state where they will reject your idea and the entire conversation will turn into a conflict.
Instead, try to befriend them in their style. Read or watch the book or show that interest them. You can also incorporate any extra-curricular activity in which they are excellent. Try to bring healthy discussion aboard and spend quality time with them to know their side of the story.
The world is now changing. Don’t be afraid to talk to your teens about taboos in society. Be open and discuss the things they need to know. Try to educate your girls about menstruation, hormonal changes, and good and bad touch. Also, educate your boys about menstruation about girls and how it is a natural phenomenon. Be supportive of their emotions, too, as it’s okay for them to cry and express themselves. Don’t let your boys suppress the emotions they are experiencing.
Educate your pre-teens about sex education, drugs, and alcohol. It is their growing stage and will help them in the future.
Listening can heal any wound. Your helping hand and caring heart can be secondary to your pre-teens, but your listening ear can help you to handle and know them better. Try to listen to what they have to say. Be it about their academics or mental health issues. lend them a listening ear.
It will assure your children that they have someone to rely on! They might feel connected to you again after you listen to their demands and problems.
We know it is new for you to see the new side of your children, but being picky and choosy will not help you. Being over-protective of them will make them more distant.
For a while, try to avoid heated arguments with your kids and try to be submissive. Throw a light of your opinions on them, but don’t force them to follow. Try an indirect approach and educate them but don’t become over-protective. Don’t judge the clothes they wear or the friends they make. It might push them away from you.
As the new changes are difficult to adapt; hence, try to take help from a counsellor if required. They will help you to deal with your pre-teenagers in a better way.
Things are difficult, but they are not impossible. Give them a little time to adapt and explore.
Surely, things will get better.